Seems as if we really are living in a simulation where it’s full of 9-5s and mindless distractions. How many times are we gonna keep finding our selves “caught up” in this time trap? Why was I so worried about how I feel about someone that seven years have gone by and still ain’t really making no real moves out here yet. I met that boy when I was 16 and here I am 24 now. Today I took a dance class and the song we danced to had a specific lyric that seemed to resonate with me: I give my youth to you. That’s exactly what I did. I’ve been chasing that feeling I had with my ex for the longest time since I was a teenager and it hasn’t benefited me not one bit. See we felt something very powerful and still to this day have that connection that cannot be ignored. I wanted that forever thang and he just isn’t available for it cuz he got shit to do. I see why people turn their feelings off to get business taken care of. Love has been the ultimate distraction. Yes it is a beautiful thing to enjoy but can also hurt. Then when you go looking for it, you end up lost. Every guy that I ever came across just was never what I wanted or never bought what I need them to bring. Then when you throw in sex in the equation it’s like you wanna be the freak you are with just one person that you already exposed yourself to. You don’t wanna keep starting over with new niggas and then you end up with depressed and sad pussy, You ain’t getting none and it’s frustrating. When you don’t have access to that same comfort you start losing your mind and going crazy. Nobody has been worthy of starting that journey all over with. So then what? You go back? You could….but then you just starting the same dumb ass cycle again. I don’t know if I’m scared of what’s out there or don’t feel like going through more disappointments. Being single is hard. Really am considering dating myself for a while and get this money and stay out the way. I got one more year till I’m 25 and I haven’t accomplished much of anything yet. I gotta snap out of it. I could really be doing big things here now. We don’t get these years back, I haven’t lived yet and what’s meant to be will be in due time. Gotta get out these feelings and know that the universe got me.